By JODI SOKOLOWSKI
Buffalo Law Journal

One was at a roller rink, with all the attendees in roller skates.

At another, held on Halloween, all the guests were in costume. And one included dogs as ring bearers.

What do these events have in column? They were all weddings presided over by area judges, who told us they've seen the gamut, from totally traditional to out of the ordinary.

Erie County Surrogate Hon. Barbara Howe recalls standing on a bale of hay while a bride and groom she was uniting said their vows on horseback.

Williamsville Village Justice Hon. Jeffrey Voelkl, who conducted the Halloween wedding, once arrived at a marriage site surprised to discover he'd be presiding over a Wiccan ceremony.

"They were concerned I would disapprove. They wanted it traditional, but incorporated their beliefs," says Voelkl, also an acting Buffalo City Court judge and a partner at Robshaw & Associates PC.

One wedding had a bride pouring Coca-Cola in two glasses while the groom was adding Jack Daniels whiskey before they ceremoniously drank the cocktail. The couple had met a bar, having each ordered a Jack-and-Coke at the same time.

Hon. William Waible, who, along with the father of the bride, did not wear roller skates at the roller-rink wedding, remembers tromping through the snow for a lakeside wedding in Clarence Town Park.

"She didn't have any overshoes on. And it was cold," the retired Clarence town judge recalled of the bride.

Keeping things civil

Couples might opt for a civil ceremony because the parties are not religious or of different faiths, it's not their first marriage or it's an arranged marriage, they are expecting a baby or they need to marry on short notice.

Howe recalls a "very poignant ceremony" where the couple was married right before the groom was to leave for a combat assignment in the Middle East.

"It was so bittersweet," she says.

Having conducted weddings everywhere from her judicial chambers to someone's kitchen, Howe said every ceremony is unique and emotion-filled.

"It's the incredible range of emotions. There are tears of joy, people so scared they can hardly get through it. Strain for family members who have divorced but have to come together. And to see how people are so relieved," she says, "it's so gratifying."

As a former town justice, Waible used to say that he loved conducting ceremonies because it was "the only time people appear before me smiling, and it's the only time I can give life sentences."

Tricks of the trade

Howe notes that because judges will be in a majority of the photographs from a civil ceremony, their appearance is important. She suggests using a black binder to hold papers in place.

Voelkl advises judges performing weddings to always wear robes and, for men, a collared shirt and tie underneath. Howe adds that judges shouldn't wear loud colors or an eye-catching pair of shoes so that there's "nothing to distract from the couple."

Howe says couples generally find her through word-of-mouth recommendations. She typically performs no more than 10 weddings annually, and rarely reserves a date more than a year in advance so as not to double-book herself.

Voelkl might perform more than 40 a year. He recently presided over five over the course of a single weekend.

To help the couple in planning the event, Howe provides about 10 different sample ceremonies so the pair can pick one, mix and match them or use one as a guide to write their own vows. Voelkl says he uses just one, because he's memorized it.

Almost anything goes, but the vows must somewhere include a sole legal requirement: that the bride and groom agree, in the presence of the officiant and two witnesses, to take each other in the roles of husband and wife, Howe explains.

"Every once in a while someone sends in a sample ceremony that doesn't include that. If you forget to mention that, it's not legal," she says.

Waible recalls a wedding at Akron Falls where the groom forgot the marriage license and had to go home to retrieve it. It's a misdemeanor in New York to perform a wedding without a license.

The other end of the spectrum

All three judges said they know that some couples they've married ended up divorcing. Both Howe, when she was a state Supreme Court judge, and Voelkl, as a lawyer, have participated in the divorces of some couples they married.

"The brides and grooms thought it would be appropriate if I would assist them in getting divorced, as I had been the one who had performed the weddings," Voelkl says.

Howe says she's always unhappy to hear such news, "but for most people, time heals and life goes on."